You havent heard from your ex in years, and theyre contacting you out of nowhere. Before you start having two-hour-long conversations with your ex after midnight, think about how your current partner will feel. No matter what the scenario is, it will take some time to settle your thoughts if you have to handle an ex coming back years later. They could, and that one little text has the power to turn your life upside down. They are Feeling Lonely. Why did they have to reappear when things were just about to get fine? thoughts like these come and go, wrecking your peace of mind. They will be able to compare the different aspects of their life with and without your presence in it. She is remarried and I do not want to interrupt that but I never had a chance to thank her for being such a great step mom to my children even after we were not in contact. We also struggled with communication but we were young so makes sense lol). Minor inconveniences in their way or temptations to commit infidelity can drift two lovers apart in a jiffy. Now, she wants to meet for coffee and I cant resist myself because I still need that closure. Commentdocument.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a2a4ca169ddda5052d135fd7416bc0e6" );document.getElementById("i2dc42b6e0").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. My ex has reached out to me a handful of times over the last 15 years. Before you type out an elaborate text asking for an explanation, pause and think about your life right now. Perhaps they have even started dating soon after the breakup. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. Also, a Caffeine headed individual whose day consists of bouts of contemplation about life and afterlife. Shes now married with a kid and said being married is hard, having a family is hard. But he wasn't thrilled about it, but we all agreed to never meet in person. He got married but still contacted me for some reason. He ended up forgiving me and it was a wonderful feeling, to not have to carry around that burden anymore. If your ex wants something from you, your ex will directly or indirectly point it out. The X-Men timeline desperately needed to sync up at one point, and 2014's "X-Men: Days of Future Past" was the vehicle that helped mash together the multiple versions of "X-Men" history. These details seem very random, especially when she would send me this out of the blue after so long. But they happen anyway., and you are left with no other choice than to face the aftermath. When an ex contact you years after the breakup, your ex wants to get something from you. By reaching out, they determine whether their ex hates them, likes them, loves them, respects them, or feels neutral about them. Theyve heard youre single and so have decided to try their luck and see if youll agree to go for a drink. What role are they going to play? Definitely not. Your heart might start beating faster the moment you get a text from the ex but take a few minutes to think about the consequences if you end up meeting the ex again. What is their intention? Strangely, I am going through health issues and was quite surprised about his message. I do not want to interrupt her life now and do not want to reopen any wounds. People are not static, and friendships that cant shift and grow as people do just cant endure. I saw them looking around. Most people go through lifehidingparts of their character because theyre afraid of being judged. Secondly, it also gives us evidence that . The fact that you moved on and found happiness all over again on your own, draws them back to square one. ETA: He's the one who dumped me. On a bitter note, they couldnt handle the happy, successful life you are leading. This is a possibility if you ended the relationship on good terms. Something is often wrong when an ex comes back into the picture years later. You may hold beliefs about anger, such as: Nice . Just a comment on the "closure" part of Your post: no you don't. Maybe you thought youve made your peace with whatever happened with your ex. Instead of overthinking about what they might want, you should focus on where you stand in this whole situation. I've been honestly tempted since reevaluating everything about the last ten years of my life. Getting back together with an ex years later is possible. A voice can calm us down and we can catch so much more meaning when listening to anothers inflection, tone, rate of speech that texts will never allow even with the latest set of emojis! like you said, no one would probably get much out of the interaction. Weirdly, whether we like it or not, exes do this all the time and its important not to automatically decide that your ex wants you back. Video calls with loved ones are really meaningful when youre not getting to see anyone outside of your own reflection in the mirror. After the X Date, the Treasury would be unable to pay about 40% of its bills, BPC said, based on an analysis of daily cash flows. I imagine he just wants to check up. I realised after a few weeks that I was the only one initiating again. she also said as a married woman, an affair would be devastating and destructive. If you were dumped and forced to go no contact with your ex, asking your ex this question is perfectly fine. Before going down a path you have already been on, voice what you want from this renewed relationship be it any kind. We were together for about 5 years until she broke it off. My ex reached out to me about 15 years after we broke up. Do exes come back after leaving for someone else? Katie writes, "Hi Susan! Signs And Coping Tips, 15 Speed Dating Dos and Donts You Need To Know, How To Start A Conversation With A Girl: 20 Ways That Never Fail, 10 Ways To Tell Your Parents You Have A Girlfriend, Dealing With An Insecure Boyfriend? Before we talk about what to do when an ex reaches out after no contact, we need to discuss what "after" means. Sure. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, 7 Ticking Time Bombs That Destroy Loving Relationships, The Single Best (and Hardest) Thing to Give Up, 3 Ways to Reclaim Your Hope and Happiness. I cant say for sure, but its time for you to move forward from this person. She said marriage is hard, so its possible she finally reflected and realized she was very mean to you after the breakup. Its strange to call your ex to find out if they think the same as them, but it happens because you still feel connected to your ex. I think you did the right thing. Do you want to pursue a relationship, friendship, acquaintanceship, or do you wish not to speak with your ex? When an ex contacts you, you need to weigh the pros and cons practically. 12 Things To Remember When You Run Into Your Ex, 7 Unspoken Boundaries For Being Friends With An Ex. He didn't know where I moved to. In fact, it might even be a good idea to block your ex if they make you feel uncomfortable on any level. Does your ex normally ghost you for many months and then re-establish contact like its the good old days? I just this week had an ex reach out after 20 years. The most common reason your ex-girlfriend will reach out to ask how you are doing is to make sure you are doing okay because she still cares about you, and loves you as a person. | Now that you are planning your life with a new person, the chances of your ex-partner getting back together with you are practically zero. Its important to mention that this is a dangerous place to be in because it satisfies a void, and you forget why you broke up in the first place. He said hed been having dreams about me and wanted to see if Im ok and that was it. Very random in his message he stated that it was crazy for reaching out and that Ive always been brought up in conversion by school mates and that hes sorry if he negatively impacted me and hes always wishing the best for me and hes never forgot me. If one of my exes reached out to me years after the break-up Id know that their personal lives have become a great disappointment and now theyre reevaluating what they foolishly threw away years before. I wouldnt bother replying to an ex who dumped me years ago, even if Im unattached. What Does It Mean When A Guy Calls You Sweet. If the relationship ended bad, let's say cheating involved or constant arguing while together I'd say let it lay and don't bother. In your mind, it's been a while since you broke up, and in the meantime, it feels like a lot of water has passed under the bridge. I had never mentioned it to him as since I had miscarried it didnt seem like there was anything to discuss. When you first start dating, it's normal for him to only text when you're making plans together. That's actually something I thought of doing. Wish him good luck. Your ex has been in your life for five minutes now and it is not okay to have a lovey-dovey conversation with an ex when your partner is sitting next to you. ), I reached out 1-2 weeks ago (2-years later), got no response. . However, video calls are especially meaningful when someone is totally isolated or when grandkids or more than one person is at one end of the phone. I suggested spending more time together at hers, or going away together somewhere to stay for a period. Related Reading: 15 Clever Ways to Turn Down An Ex Who Wants To Be Friends, Elena, one of our readers from Los Angeles, was still trying to move on after her partner ended things over an email. So if youre figuring out what to do if an ex contacts you after years, the first thing you should do is figure out how well you have healed., Talking about how texts from her ex ended up wreaking havoc in her life, Rebecca, a teacher from Michigan, shares, My ex got married but still contacts me and my current partner couldnt be angrier about it. You might be able to tell perhaps by their tone that your ex is reaching out because they're bored, lonely, or having a tough time moving. My ex was the dumper and sent an e-mail after 4+ years of no contact. I dont think there is a deep hidden meaning here. The important thing to remember is to be honest. As you say, it was likely just an attempt to ease her guilt. We dated about 8 years ago and he reached out around the 5 year mark. ). If your only reason to respond to the text is to get that closure, its better to leave the text on seen. Youre married with beautiful children, successful, and go on the most amazing vacations.